I'm late. I'm late.
Ready for your speech, Ms. Ryan?
Are you sure you're prepared this time?
Are you sure you're not forgetting anything, Jane?
Sure you're not forgetting anything, Jane?
Please welcome Jane Ryan.
What?
Just a dream.
Morning, Mom. Miss you.
- Morning. - Morning, Dad.
I'm up.
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jane Ryan.
My name is Jane Ryan.
Good morning, Justin.
"Simple Plan shoot...
...59th and Ninth, New York City."
- Making sure you're up. - Yeah, just finishing an essay.
Three weeks into school, and you haven't cut once. I like it.
Maybe I won't have to send you to Sister Mary Margaret's after all.
School...
...or Simple Plan video shoot?
I'm here today as a finalist for the McGill Fellowship.
What excuses shall we use this time, Ringo?
Ringo? Ringo, where are you?
"Death of a pet, religious holiday...
...female problems." Last week.
"Lllnesses. Chickenpox." Print.
- Perfect. - Perfect.
Thank you, New York City!
Ringo, there you are.
Did the little mean lady scare you?
Yes, I know she did.
Jane. Why do you insist on playing Mom? Okay? Dad doesn't have time for breakfast.
Not listening.
- How's it going, guys? - Hi.
- Your breakfast is on the table. - Smells great.
Wait.
- There you go. - Thanks.
You're welcome.
Never, ever touch my day planner.
Okay, you need to chill on the nerd book, okay? You have issues.
Okay, how frequent are the contractions?
Have them head down to the hospital. I'll meet them there. Yeah.
- Jane... - No, Dad, it's fine.
No, it's not fine. I know this is your big day.
I will do everything I can to get to Columbia to see your speech.
- I know you will. - Okay, excuse me.
Jane, sorry, I know this is the biggest day of your academic career...
...but Dad, will you sign my field-trip permission form, please?
Shakespeare in the Park? Great! Which play?
You know, the one with the girl and the guy...
...love, the tights, hair. - Romeo and Juliet?
- Yeah! Thank you. I totally blanked. - I love that play.
- I know. Me too. - Your mom would have been so proud.
Would you mind giving your sister a lift?
- Not at all. - It wouldn't kill you to spend time together.
Breakfast was great, but I got to go.
Okay. Well, then, take this, okay?
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Love you. - Love you too. Good luck.
- I hope you don't get caught. - I won't.
- Let's get the show on the road. - Think about a car wash.
You might wanna think about buying a car.
- I'm saving up for college. - That makes one of us.
Mind putting on the radio?
- Not at all. - What is this?
Too cool for school.
Yeah.
Where are we going? We have 26 minutes to get to the station...
...and I can't be late.
We just have to make a pit stop at my manager's.
Wait, you have a manager?
- Howdy, Rox. - Hello.
- Come on in. - Thanks.
Seventy-eight!
- So how's the party? - It's going great.
We're on a marathon mission.
So I burned you 30. Check it out.
Thanks.
- Why am I on the cover? - Marketing, baby.
- You're the hottest one in the band. - Hey, Roxy.
- That's not saying much. - Here's your all-access pass.
That will get you into the shoot. Now, remember...
...we've got to hit up the A-and-R guys.
- We gotta get this contract. - How will I know it's them?
Middle-aged guys, fancy suits...
...bad, old-fashioned dancing. - Right.
- Got it? All right. - Yes. Bye.
- Good luck. - Okay. Thank you.
Yeah, 79!
Who's there?
- Pool guy. - Pool guy?
You're not the pool guy.
You get to go right to the head of the class.
Nassau County Department of Truancy. Pool party's over, Flubber.
Do you want to come over here? Put your hands behind your head.
On your feet, gentlemen. Hands up where I can see them.
- Up, up, up! - What's going on?
You let me do the interrogating, son, we'll get along fine.
My mom's gonna kill me.
Got six future felons for you, Strauss. Each one facing five to 10...
Days of detention, Lomax.
- Days of detention. - Just book them.
"Book them." Would you give it a rest, Lomax?
You're a truancy officer, you're not Dirty Harry.
You know, this kind of crud is what kept you out of the force for 25 years.
I'm on the heels of the number-one truant in Nassau County...
...and when I find her, and I will find her...
...your boys will be doing back flips to make sure I'm wearing that badge.
Hey, Einstein, over here.
I feel bad lumping you in there with those other losers...
...because you strike me as being a... I don't know, a smart kid.
I see a big future here.
I look at this face, I see a surgeon general.
I see a Supreme Court judge.
Do you have any idea what a 10-day suspension will look like on your record?
You'll be lucky to be accepted to the Acme School of Welding.
Now...
...do yourself a favor.
Where can I find Roxanne Ryan?
You can give me all the detention you like.
But if there's something I'm not, that's a rat.
Fine. Suit yourself.
- Car, car! Look out! - Hold on.
What's the matter with you?!
- Nice park. - Thanks.
Excuse me, could you just not?
Okay, speech at 3.
Perfect. Okay...
You can't sit here. I need quiet.
Chill. You won't even know I'm here.
I'm close to winning the fellowship. I've worked my whole life for this.
What is this stupid thing, anyway?
This stupid thing is a four-year scholarship to Oxford University.
Oxford?
- As in England? - No, Oxford, as in nowhere near you.
- Maybe you would like to switch seats... - No!
Yeah.
- Why Oxford? - Why are you even here?
Because Simple Plan's shooting their new music video.
So I'll canvass the A-and-R guys, give them my demo...
...and hopefully be the new opening act.
Great. There'll be lots of concerts at Sister Mary Margaret's.
How's the school gonna know?
As far as they're concerned, I'm home with the chicken...
Chickenpox.
Chickenpox, my Aunt Fanny.
Who is it?
It's Savitsky, your landlord. You're two weeks late on rent.
Mr. Savitsky, can we deal with this later...
...because I'm working on a very big case right now. I'm busy.
- You're dizzy? You should lie down. - I said, I'm busy!
So get busy writing a check, Lomax! Jeez.
Where have you gone, Miss Ryan?
Where have you gone?
Well, your simple plan's about to get a bit more complicated, Roxanne Ryan.
All right, open up.
Can you believe this?
- I'm sorry. - All right, Roxy Ryan!
- Oh, my God! - It's okay!
- I'm so sorry! - What are you...? Stop that!
- I'm sorry. - What are you, a couple of monsters?
Tickets. Tickets, please. Please have your tickets ready.
Tickets, please. I'm not doing this for my health. Thank you.
- I suppose you'll need some money? - No. I can manage on my own.
- Hello? - Tickets. Very nice.
Tickets, please.
- Oh, my... - I'm in hell.
- I'm sorry. - What are you looking at? Stop looking!
I said I was...
Ticket.
Hi.
We are so over! Over!
Shoot.
Oh, very funny.
- Excuse me? - No ticket, no ride.
- I have a ticket. Give me a minute. - Let's see it. Come on.
That was my twin sister you just threw off. Right there.
Oh, yeah. The phantom twin sister. I'm scared. Hold me.
Do I look that stupid to you?
Do you want me to answer that?
- I have a ticket! It's in my purse! - Let's go. Come on.
Step away from the train.
- God, I'm sorry. - It's okay.
- Sorry. - It's okay.
Here, just give me a sec, okay? One sec.
Okay. If you can't get it out, I'll just take my skirt off.
Did I just say that out loud?
Yeah, you did.
- Man, you're really stuck, you know that? - Yeah.
All right, on the count of three. One, two, three.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Hey, it looks nice.
Thanks.
All aboard! If you have a ticket.
I gotta go.
- Okay. - I'll see you.
Hopefully.
- Bye. - Bye.
The ripped look? It's so two minutes ago.
Stay away from me.
According to this schedule, it says there should be another train in 43 minutes.
Not today there isn't. Track construction.
- Next train for New York leaves in 3 hours. - You've got to be kidding me.
- Taxi! - Hey!
Taxi!
Nice move.
There you are.
Here I am.
All of the taxis are gone.
And you need a ride.
I give you ride.
- No. - I give you free ride.
No. I don't take rides from strangers.
But I got a limo. Big, long, white one like Barbie ride in.
I don't believe you. It says it right here. There's gonna be another train.
How could I forget? It's the magic-leprechaun train.
It leaves for New York whenever you want. Powered by your imagination.
- Jane! - I'm sorry, is someone talking?
Because I don't hear anyone.
I just wanna let you know I have a limo if you're looking for a ride.
Don't worry, it's a professional car service.
Your attention please, the 9:45 to...
- Thanks. - Here, let me get your bag.
- No, it's okay. I got it. - But I insist.
No, it's okay. I insist.
Wait for me.
My personal assistant. I'd be lost without her.
My name's Bennie. You and her going same place?
"You and she." The correct grammar is "she." See, you're using the wrong possessive...
Smarty pants.
You've reached the Ryan residence. Leave your message after the beep.
Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax...
...Nassau County Department of Truancy.
I'm calling in regard to your daughter Roxanne.
Could you call me at 993-1176...
...and reference case number 7 Tango Niner Popcorn X-ray 5?
Have a pleasant day.
How's it going?
How you doing?
Stop it.
- Roxy, please. I can't concentrate. - What's up?
Please stop.
Get me Ma.
It's number-one adopted son.
Bennie? You said you be here by 9 a.m.
That was 20 minutes ago. I need that chip.
Bennie will be there soon, Ma.
Bennie, either you talk in Chinese or you speak in English.
But enough with the accent.
- I'm sorry, Ma. - Don't call me Ma.
From 9 to 5, you're my number-one killing machine.
Yes, I'm your killing machine, Ma.
Bye, Ma.
Kids.
Hey, bud? Are you lost?
Ancient Chinese proverb:
Never accept ride from stranger!
- Help! Help us! - Help!
- Help! He's gonna kill us! - Help!
Come on! Hurry!
Okay, let's go! Come on.
Thank you.
- Why is he after us? - Go!
- I think we lost him. - There you are.
- You speak Chinese? - There's a lot you don't know about me.
- Give me that! - Hey, buster!
Bring it on, tubby.
I didn't know you took jujitsu.
- Tae kwon do. - Thanks.
Two times a week.
Three years.
- Now I'm mad. - What are you...?
- That hurt. - Here we go.
Yeah!
I'm gonna kill you!
That's what we get for taking a ride from a stranger.
- Please. It was exciting. - Exciting?
Almost being mugged and getting stuck in the middle of nowhere is not exciting.
Now what?
These were my best heels.
Give me the other one.
Give me the shoe. Please. Thank you.
Now they're your best flats.
Either of you ladies spare some change?
- Oh, yeah, here. - You're feeding this poor man's disease.
- Just let him have the dollar. - Buy him a snack, like a granola bar.
Thanks. I got a dollar!
That is not just a cherry Slurpee.
I smell alcohol. Please don't freak.
Or not.
Yes!
Now we're cooking with gas. Out of the way, suckers.
Come on, folks. Police emergency.
Come on!
Back up, people. Clear the street. You call this respect for the law?
I look like a duck waddling in these shoes.
DVD.
Very cheap. Need Holiday.
Wait!
Great. Just great.
- Can I use your restroom? - Bathroom is for customer only.
Down the aisle to the left.
She has her whole life ahead of her. She should not be drinking.
That's what I keep telling her.
You've reached the Ryan residence. Leave your message...
You have one new message.
Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax...
...Nassau County Department of Truancy. - Correction, this was Max Lomax.
- These for now, those for later. - Very hungry for a small person.
- Thirsty too? Okay. - Red Bull.
- You'll never pull it off. - Never?
- Not today. Not tomorrow. - So no.
I like the yellow one better.
Really?
What did you do, fall in?
Cash or charge?
I need some money.
Total amount is 47.24.
Oh, my God! My day planner!
I must have left it in the limo! My life is in it! My speech, my credit cards, my money!
So I don't suppose I could start a tab?
Tab is for valid customers only.
Thank you. Don't come again.
This is all your fault.
How's it my fault you left the book in the limo?
It's your fault I was even in the limo.
I can't even function without my day planner.
I'm trying to think of a reason to keep on living.
Still trying. Still trying.
- You need to chill. You just need to relax. - Relax?
How am I supposed to relax? My relaxation tapes are in my day planner!
- Snap out of it! - Don't hit me.
Listen. Okay, your speech doesn't start until 3:00. That gives you three and a half hours!
- Four and a half. - Same thing.
Roxy, spontaneity doesn't just happen.
You have to get there and rehearse.
Besides, where am I gonna get cleaned up?
I have a plan.
Checking in, ladies?
- We're with the band. - Yeah.
- Well, then. - I'm Paris, this is Nicky.
Welcome, Paris.
- How could you let them go? - Well, they're very smart.
- One of them even spoke Chinese. - I don't care.
What's so important about this stupid chip?
That stupid chip contains millions of dollars in pirated music.
Pirate music? You mean:
Bennie!
Okay. I know what you mean. I was just kidding.
We send chip to Hong Kong...
...they transfer it from chip onto compact disk.
They sell pirated copies, and we make millions.
Okay, I understand.
I'll get the chip back and restore honor to family.
After all, I am your number-one adopted son.
Get chip, make compact disk, sell to teenagers.
What are we doing here?
Watch and learn.
I'd love to.
But I'm presenting an award this afternoon. You know that.
Carey, come. Hurry, hurry.
Now!
This is your plan?
Yep. And a pretty good one.
Breaking into a hotel room is exactly how Nixon went down. I'm not going in there.
Not going in there. I'm not going in there.
Okay, I'm going in there.
Okay, I'm just going to get cleaned up, and then we're out of here.
Clean up, get out.
What?
- It's a... - Dog.
I think.
Well...
...you take a shower first...
...and I'll take the doggy. Come on, puppy.
- Jane Ryan speaking. - I have your date book.
- Roxy! - What?
- It's the psycho. He has my day planner.
Let me... I'll talk to him.
- Be nice. - Okay.
- Listen, you... - I told you to be nice.
You can take money...
...you can have the credit cards, just please don't hurt my speech.
Shut up. I talk, you listen.
- Okay. Good idea. - You took my chip.
Roxy, did you eat this man's chips?
- No. - You sure?
- I didn't eat his chips. - She didn't eat your chips.
No, not chips. Chip. My microchip.
Listen, we need that book back.
So meet us outside the Plaza Hotel in 30 minutes, or I will eat your chips.
Found the chip!
- Hi. - Hi.
Is today my birthday?
Oh, my God. I'm sorry. We're just leaving.
- My sister. - There's gonna be a five-alarm fire...
...if my mom finds you. - This psycho stole my day planner...
...which has my entire life in it. Now we have to give him his chip back.
Okay, so psycho, day planner, computer chip...
Yeah, makes perfect sense to me.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
But you might have a little trouble swapping the chip.
- Why? - Because Reinaldo just ate it.
No. No, he didn't.
- Are you serious? - The little green thing, he just ate it.
- Spit it out. Come on. - Hello?
- Hello, Trey. - Hi, Mom.
I'm on my way up. Change of schedule.
Bring my purse, dear. I'm meeting Hillary at 1.
Okay.
All right. So my mom's on her way up.
She's a senator. Anne Baxter Lipton.
- A senator? - Should've kept that little fact to yourself.
- A senator. - Yeah.
I can never run for office now.
- Come here, little puppy. - I'll be right back.
- Get it out. - Shake it out.
- Spit it out.
- Hey, easy... - A senator?
- Come on. - The dog ate the chip.
I need the chip to get the day planner.
- This isn't happening. - He bit me!
Calm down. I don't want it.
Don't throw him.
- Keep it! - You take him!
My bad.
Oh, thank God. Reinaldo.
Jane, what are you doing? You're gonna wind up dead!
Without that chip, I am dead.
Okay. Come back here. Come here, doggy.
Okay. Here we go. Okay.
Trey? Trey?
- My mom. - Why is the door locked?
- I'll be late for the Simple Plan shoot. - The video shoot?
- Yeah. - Trey? Hello?
- At least tell me your name before you go. - Roxy.
- Jane. Come here.
I was taking a nap. Sorry.
Look what I got my little boy for lunch.
Thanks, Mom. I already ate.
Reinaldo.
Reinaldo, come here, boy. Look what Mommy has for you.
Come here, my precious little baby. Where's my...? Come on.
Look what Mommy has. Reinaldo, don't make Mommy beg.
- Hold on. - Come here, doggy. Doggy.
Trey. Where is Reinaldo? He always answers when I call.
He's not answering.
Come here, doggy. So I can stick my finger down your throat.
Whatever you do, don't look down.
Mom, there's something you should know, okay?
Now, Reinaldo, he...
I took him to the groomer's.
Why would you do that?
Because he smelled.
- Don't worry. We're getting out of here. - I can't move.
Oh, God, I almost forgot. I gotta go. I gotta... Yeah. I'm going to be late.
Don't forget to pick up Reinaldo.
Give me the dog.
Deals like this are the result of years of really hard work.
Things don't just fall out of the sky.
- How you doing? - Going down!
- That wasn't so bad. - No.
Can I have my towel, please?
- Sir, I need your help. - Yes, sir.
Help me find a dog and two girls in towels.
Who exactly are they?
Okay, puppy. Okay. Go home. You need to go home.
- What are you doing? - We need to go.
No, we need that dog.
That dog is my life. And when he poops, his poop is my life.
Come on, Reinaldo! Come on.
- Good puppy. Okay. - Can anything else go wrong today?
- Am I squashing you? - Yeah. It's great.
- Did I just...? - Yeah. You just said that out loud.
If we keep bumping into each other like this, one of us is gonna get hurt.
I'm willing to take that chance.
- Roxy! - Paris! Nicky!
- How can I find you? - Call her. 555-8989.
She's home every night.
- What's your name? - It's Jane.
I'm Jim!
Here. How am I gonna survive without my watch?
I don't know.
Come on. You can poopy. Just a little one. Come on.
Any luck?
Think we have something.
- False alarm. - I can't go looking like this.
- I'm starting to have heart palpitations. - No, don't worry, okay?
We're gonna fix you up. I promise.
It's all gonna work out. Where are you going?
To get my day planner back.
- I'll go with you. - No.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Our togetherness today hasn't exactly been good luck.
Rox, I'll be fine.
It's in front of the Plaza. There's a lot of witnesses.
It's not like this guy's exactly, like, a criminal mastermind.
So have fun at the concert.
Video shoot.
59th and Ninth. If you care.
Okay, kiddies.
Playtime's over.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm on a case. Where do you think you're going?
What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere.
So we're clear on that.
Yeah. I didn't think so.
Jeff. What's up, man? It's Trey.
Hey, you remember that Simple Plan video shoot you were telling me about?
Yeah. Where is it? It's 59th and Ninth. Are you sure?
That's awesome, man. You rock. I owe you. Bye.
Boy, talk about anal-retentive. This girl is a cuckoo bird.
I'm surprised she doesn't have trips to the bathroom scheduled. Wait, right here, 3:30.
- Look, I think we... - You're late.
I think we got off on the wrong foot a while back.
I just wanna know... Okay.
Give me my chip.
- What's this? - It's your chip.
- Excuse me? - Well, you see, Reinaldo here...
...he ate your chip. - Reinaldo ate my chip.
- Is this some kind of joke? - I don't joke.
Can I have my day planner back?
You know what I think I do? I think I run over the dog with the car.
No, wait, that might damage the chip.
You give me my chip, or I'll kill you! Cough it up, pooch.
No, no. Please don't hurt him.
Give it to me. Let me have it!
Good shot, Reinaldo.
Disgusting!
Mike one, check. Testing, one, two. One, two.
Excuse me, fellas.
Excuse me, Cochise. Thattaboy.
- I'm so excited. - Thanks.
- You're good. - Roxy.
- Hi. - Hey.
I was wondering if you knew where my mom's dog was.
But I mean, I also wanted to see you again.
Come on! Move it!
- Do you have a pass? - No.
I'll be right back, okay? So just stay here.
- I'll figure it out. - Figure it out somewhere else, okay?
Simple Plan.
They rock.
Got all their LPs.
I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. Is it Loser?
How come you're not in school?
Okay, okay. Don't worry. I've got bigger fish to fry.
- Excuse me. Coming through. - Thanks for coming to this video shoot.
We're gonna need a lot of your energy today.
So are you guys ready?
Are we ready?
Rox, where are you?
This is the scene live in midtown, where punk-rock group Simple Plan...
...is shooting their latest music video. - A little louder!
Nice. Get ready. Welcome, Simple Plan!
What's up, New York City?
Old-school dance moves.